bearer of bad news

You've seen it here first folks. McDonalds will now charge $.33 extra for condiments!!! The world is offically coming to an end now. The high in Chicago today was 97 degrees. It was unbearable to say the least. McDonalds was choice for dinner tonight, for a shit load of reaons, too hot to cook, my refrigerator door is nor closing properly so I don't want to buy any food and I needed a place with a drive-thru. I can't believe I'm posting twice in one day the heat must be getting to me.

my name is earl?

My Saturday night did not exactly start out the way I wanted it to, but I can spare you on that mini drama. Erica picked me up and she was drunk off her ass. I love when the tables are turned. Quack. Quack. Quack. Yeah, now you’re the obnoxious asshole when you drink a pint of Captain Morgan all by yourself. So quiet bar down the street, right? If only I was that lucky. We went bowling. Oh yes my friends, the great American past time of bowling.

I wasn’t really all that excited about it. For starters we had to drive downtown. I had to drive; I do not know how she even got to my apartment. There was a possibility of paying for parking, the drinks are too expensive (remember I’m extra thirsty). The only plus, Erica’s boyfriend works there and we bowl for free and the place cost too much for me to bowl like shit while drunk. Not to mention we had already missed the celebrity sighting of the night.

Erica and I didn’t bowl right away, we went to the bar and even though I just asked for a shot of Jameson, I’m pretty sure the bartender gave me a double because it took me 10 minutes to finish it and I was done for the rest of the night. So we finally decide we wanted to bowl. I had moments were it felt like we were in high school and the only thing we had to do was bowl because we couldn’t drink. Both of us trashed and I somehow bowl a kick ass game. We laughed at the fact that we were walking around in bowling shoes all night, because it’s the hot thing to do.

As the night was winding down, Erica and I were just sitting on one of the couches talking. Until I spotted two fellas coming to engage us in conversation. Apparently this guy must have thought I gave him the signal to come over and talk to us or his was just that bold. By now I’m altering Erica of the situation, oh shit, please go away, not if you were the last man on earth would I go out with you. By now its too late they have made themselves comfy at out lane. I checked out and went back to bowling, hoping they would just leave. Well Erica becomes too friendly when she drinks and pretty much insisted they sit down with us and stay awhile. I get back from bowling by myself and apparently have told them everything about me. She told him I was engaged, which was the smartest thing she did all night. She knew there was no way I would go for him and to use the engaged thing unless he was hot (no need to mention fiancée then). Or she was so wasted she forgot about my dozen or so tryst I’ve had for the last 6 months. Then Erica gets up and leaves me. WHAT!! She left me to chat with the one whom seemed to be interested in me and his friend. First thing out of his mouth is, “isn’t 23 pretty young to be getting married?” Now normally this wouldn’t be a discussion because yes it is and I have realized that and the chances of me going through with all of this is slim, blah, blah, but since I’m not interested in you I’m going to tell you how much I love my fiancée and no one could make me stray away. This guy would not stop. He kept telling me that he understood, but I wasn’t married yet so wanted to know if we could hangout sometime. I told him sure (I don’t know why) but told him that we are usually in Lincoln Park, so just to let you know what are crowd is and that you are not it. He was telling me what ever makes me happy and makes me smile, dinner or a movie. Are you kidding me? Next thing I know Erica gives him my phone number. This should be fun trying to avoid. Then afterwards I asked Erica, what was that guys name? “His name was Earl”.

Nothing left to say after that and no one wanted to believe me that his name is Earl. You can’t make shit like this up only my life.

Finally her boyfriend drove us both home I proceeded to pass out sometime after the room stopped spinning. Like 4 a.m. Here are a few more pictures from the night. My camera is going to get my ass in so much trouble before the summer is over.

Sunday was not much better. I did manage to catch up with my friend Ryan. That made me heart happy, I’ve been in s little slump lately. Not to mention Erica’s boyfriend found it fitting to ask me where my blues player was Saturday night. She quickly had to shush him. But Ryan is for a later post. I also managed to talk to guy no. 2 Mr. Alabama. Get this people! I’m the rebound girl...Apparently I am the chick that men date and therefore inadvertently lead them back to their exes. What gives people?

this week was uneventful

Wednesday night with the Greek was great! He looked really good, better than when I left him a month ago. Dinner was a surprise; it was sushi and a bottle of white wine. We watched CNN and he listened to me go on and on as I delved deeper and deeper along my soapbox about the Middle East crisis (what a trooper he is). So all in all the food was good, conversation was stimulating as always and the sex (I missed that!). As I was leaving I decided I would take a bold move and ask him to join me for Venetian Night Saturday. To my surprise he accepted. Though I wasn’t completely straight forward with him I just told him that I needed a warm body to join me Saturday night around 6 or so. He had no choice to say yes.

Since I haven't had the motivation to write anything the last few days. I just complied a laundry list as the days passed me by.

I waited up to guarantee myself a few pairs of Gap jeans that are going to be 25% off. I AM SO FRIGGIN SAD SOMETIMES.

The Aristocrats (as in the joke). I don’t get it. I mean I get it, but I don’t get it. Not funny.

I smoke too much.

I don’t sleep, but I do something similar in my bed now. My couch thanks me.

Work is no longer exciting that new car smell has warn off and I’m looking forward to starting classes again in the fall. That is going to be crazy working and going to school. Ugh!

You would think that with a fiancée and a list of admirers I would be satisfied, no, still miss “Big D” terribly, my heart has been aching for him for the past few days.

The wedding "Big D" and I were to attend is this weekend.

I just burned myself with a cigarette. Damnit!

Lance Bass came out of the closet. Hmm. You think him hanging out with Kathy Griffin would have sealed the deal on that rumor a long time ago.

Going to Venetian night with a Greek (apparently I'm the only one who sees the irony in this).

I have avoided Dean for the last two days, not intentionally. But the Greek was more important and frankly I don’t want him in my apartment and especially my bed.

My cat has done more pilates than I have in the last week.

And when you’re just having one of those week head to the T-Shirt Deli and get a pair of shorts made:
My mother talking to my aunt on a daily basis about what god has "in store for her"..blah blah blah. Shut up already crazy lady!!

Apparently Iraqi men are attracted to me???? Yeah, no need to elaborate on that one.

I signed up for online dating again..apparently I haven't learned my lesson yet.

Totally crushing on the barista at Starbucks, and he decorates my coffee cup in the mornings. Only problem is I could never date him because when things go array and they will. I will never be able to go to that Starbucks again and be forced to go to one 1/2 mile away..

I totally need to stop eating Ramen at 1:30 in the morning, ugh ugh.

I am going to start back on my diet Monday, I SWEAR!

My apartment is full of takeout containers, fridge is empty, because I refuse to go to the grocery store (I make no sense most days).

I hate paying bills, especially ones that I am responsible for.

I decided that being an adult is not the life for me. But when I eventually grow up, I would like to be a grown up.

Last but not least, its another hot one this weekend in Chicago and I'm going to make sure Erica does not drag me to a hot sweaty bar....again!!

standing still

My life has been just so exciting and hectic the last few days I haven't had time to blog. YEAH RIGHT!!

I haven't had the time becuase I've been working, which means when I post everyday I'm not working. I mean I am at work,but not actually working. I can only do one job at a time. Writing post and reading others usually wins until my boss is down the hall from me.

Ok, enough , enough, I do have a few things to say and will air the dirty laundry list soon.

how many?

Saturday morning, I'm awake before noon and doing the 'where is my cell shuffle. I finally find it and realize that I had it on silent from last night and have a few missed called. One of those calls was guy no. 3 Dean. Dean has been a constant playmate for about the last 4 months. I was due some play time; he had just called and left a text message as well. I was excited because Tuesday night we tried to hook up after the Cubs game and I thought my drunkenness had killed what ever relationship we might of had, apparently not. I haven’t had any play in awhile and the last time it was with Dean (who is mediocre in general, but above average when it comes to oral) and before that the Greek before his European summer.

Anyway, I was ready to call him back and then I stopped. My apartment is a mess and in the middle of the afternoon there is no way of making things look like they are together. Not to mention I needed to shower. He leaves like 5 minutes away so by the time he got there. Oh no!So I just scratched the idea. Damnit! Then I was pissed because the timing was right but the setting was all wrong.

Later on that day I get an email from the Greek. He was back!! I actually missed him. We have kept in touch the last month. He called me and we chatted about nothing because the only thing we have in common is red wine and sex (as I type those words, I realize hmm...He might be my perfect man after all). We have the most enlightened phone conversations :

Greek: hi

Me: Hi there

Greek: What’s up (me)?

Me: nothing just finishing up some work. How was your day?

Greek: lazy. I feel kind of weird.

Me: how so?

Greek: feel kinda lonely. I will get over it in a few days. It happens when I get back. Need to get into a routine again

Me: that happens when you’re around family as well

Greek: right. So you wanna visit me on Wednesday?

Me: that should work

Greek: great! I have a deadline on Wednesday but I am not motivated. See what Greece does to you?

Me: Apparently so


So Wednesday it is. This is the strangest yet least complicated relationship I have ever had with a man, which has been ongoing. I especially love the part of him talking about how he was lonely. He can pretty much call me when ever he wants, but he is lonely (I’ve been seeing you since March?). I figured he was going to ask if he could see me sooner. The dynamics of the two of us just boggle me every time I walk into his place. I also love the fact that he can just casually ask me if I want to visit as if I’m going to see Santa Clause. We are very intimate beyond sex, but at the same time we don’t have a “normal boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship a.k.a co-dependent. I think I keep going back because I have yet to figure him out and I’m never satisfied until I have figured people out.

What was the question again? Oh yeah I have 2 friends with benefits and I actually acquired them within a day of each other and haven’t been able to shake either one of them yet.

So tomorrow it is with the Greek and I have not attempted to make contact with Dean since Sunday. I guess I'm just saving up all my energy for the Greek. And through all of this my life still feels completely boring and mundane. Oh well...

oh saturday night

Warning: entry extremely dry and boring, I tried to make Saturday night as lively as possible but can only do so much and I’m sure if there were some awesome moments I don’t remember them.

After the awful date Friday I was ready to have a good time Saturday night. Erica had suggested we go out and I needed a night of drinking and dancing. Living in Chicago gives you plenty of options as to essentially waste money and the night away. Our old faithful is going to Lincoln Park and hanging out at The Apartment (yes, its actually called that). Lincoln Park is a very post-college, a little underage (more like underage) and everything in between. It works for us. We’re young and attractive and what better place to go were the drinks won’t always break the bank. We have made attempt after attempt to hang out around Rush & Division, but we always end up at the same damn place at the end of the night. Last night we decided to change it up and go to MaxBar which is right next door to The Apartment so if it sucked then at least we had somewhere else to go.

Once there we order drinks already to expensive for my bad habit of being extra thirsty. This bar actually was something else about 6 months ago and I had yet to check out the changes so we walked around and went to the back, found a table and got comfy. There were a lot of beautiful people out for a Saturday night in the LP. After the second drink and shot I knew I would be ready to go to another bar so I could dance. The crowd at Maxbar was older, which I like, but there was a bachelor party upstairs so no dancing until the stripper left (she was a sight). Meanwhile some guy walked by me and up the stairs and as I turned I looked dead at him. He just smiled at me (I was not interested). He came back around again and this time he tapped my shoulder (whatthefuck). Apparently I have a sign on me that says violate me. He walks away and comes back again a second time and taps me on the shoulder I pay no attention and then he bends over the stairs and ask me for a light. Yeah, so I was digging in my purse for my lighter and he just stood there. The music wasn’t that great anyway and then Erica spilled the drinks all over my white pants.

Of course I bitched and moaned about how I was going to have a big stain and she was buying my drinks and paying my dry cleaning bill. Luckily for her it dried clear and those pants came home cleaner last night then they ever have. Once we got to the other bar I was ready to party. Another shot of Jameson and a Long Island I was good to go. There was an open couch so we got comfy. By now I wasn’t as thirsty and wanted to chill and sip my drink before we started dancing. Then these guys came over and asked me if I wanted to dance. I said thank you, but no thanks. They would not leave me alone, so I told them to go dance with someone else then offered up Erica, she said she was game and made me look like the party pooper. Whatever, only one of them was cute and the couch was treating me a lot better.

We danced and danced and I shouldn’t have had that last gin and tonic. Then I spotted two hotties and wanted to get close. I was in such rare form Saturday night. I was grabbing ass after ass. Erica swore that the two hotties were gay because they weren’t dancing with any girls but I was about to change that. Next thing I know one of them is dancing with me. All Erica can mouth to me is he is hot. I know that. Only problem with that is I can’t go home with a guy if I’m completely trashed. For the life of me I can not figure out why I have to be semi-sober to have a one night stand, I know the point is to be wasted. I am such a mess.

After that Erica was pretty much ready to leave. I was having too much fun. I managed to get her to stay and dance more and I told her we were making a stop at Burrito House before heading home. I know that after awhile I can be a little grating on the nerves (hey I’m good at it). But Erica knows how to handle my drunken ass. She grabs a guy and puts him right in the middle of us and turns him toward me. She proceeds to make faces at me and mouth shit as I have to look down in order to even make eye contact with him, which I tried to avoid until he started talking to me. We eventually left that little situation.

We headed down the stairs and into a cab to get some food. We get there order our food. Erica realizes that she wanted a torta and not a tostado (and people are always so quick to say I’m the drunk one). There were two chicks that fell. That is what I love about Burrito House for most of us northsiders off of Lincoln Ave; Burrito House is just an extension of a night out drinking. Not to mention someone is always more wasted than I. Next thing, we had to do is get back to my place. This is why I hate living off of the Brown line, it stops running sometime after 2:00am. I usually like to stay out until the sun comes up. So we get to the el and we ask the attendant if there is another train, he says he is not sure and of course Erica just looks at the damn train schedule. We may or may not have missed one, but no chances we hop in a cab and back to my house.

Finally its 3 am and I can take my drunken ass to bed. Except I have no idea when I finally went to sleep. The room was spinning and I finally passed out on my couch, but I had all intentions to sleep in my bed. I awoke at 6:30 parched as hell, chugged two bottles of water and back to bed I went.

There were no exciting boy stories this weekend. Though I am always amazed at the effect that whiskey has on me. I felt like crap all day on Sunday. Now I know why I don’t do that every weekend. Getting shit faced twice in one week was enough for me.

stupid stupid stupid me

The date last night was bad. It was baaaaaaad!!!!!! When we spoke Thursday night he said that we would meet at about 6:30. I suggested something in between both of our offices. Now for me to meet him at 6:30 I stayed later at work.

Oh yeah and one thing. My last post when I said I had ‘meet Josh’ let me correct myself, I was introduced to Josh through a co-worker. We had only chatted on the phone. This was a blind date (she assured me he was so cute, I would have a good time, blah, blah, blah). When we talked he said he was “Asian”. So this mishap was my fault because I try to be nice the first time and not be so rude and blunt. Today it finally hit me, by “Asian” he meant Indian. This is fine. I am not one to judge on the basis of ethnicity, but be more explicit or I will ask better questions. I date all kind of men and I find all men attractive.

Anyway Josh never called me during the day so I figured 6:30 it was. I get to bar at 6:30 wait until 7:00 and no Josh in sight even though I really don’t know what he looks like. I’m on my way home pissed off that I got stood up and my phone rings, it’s him he is just leaving work and will be there shortly. Apparently wheat he said last night held no validity. He never knew that I waited for him at all.

15 minutes later I see him. I could crush this guy if I wanted to. Standing next to him made me feel like the Jolly Green Giant. If my hips moved too far to the right he would have gone down in a second. If my life was ever threatened in his presence I would have to defend myself, no good.

We get a table and he wants to eat. Damn it, I just want to drink and hope this is not a train wreck and go home. I order a beer and he orders cranberry juice. Oh no. This is the second date I’ve had were the person was not a social drinker. Well I take that back the last guy did have two beers, but it was two too many. Why would a co-worker who I have spent a few happy hours with think it would be a good idea to set me up with someone who does not drink? (Closet ragging alcoholic here) I question people who don’t drink unless they are a recovering alcoholic or had some traumatic experience, but that is usually not that case. Getting tipsy on a Friday night is a good thing people.

The conversation is not going that bad, but he won’t stop staring at me. After mindless conversation and two beers the check comes. Now the next move I made was all wrong. I have to say when a date is that bad, he pays because he just caused me a wasted night, but women as you know have to do the fake purse grab. So as he reaches for the check I kind of do the muffled, “do you want to split it or what?” he says, sure. Are you kidding me? And I know I said that loud enough for him to hear. I AM DONE I just paid for two beers and some fries of which he ate? Then he suggest we take a walk down the lake (say no stupid say no) my response, sure. As we walk out and down Michigan Ave he keeps touching the small of my back. What is that? Not to mention he had enough nerve to apply cap stick in front of me. Damnit! I should have gone home. Only problem was, we are both commuters on the same train line for half of the journey home so I was stuck having to say goodbye at the last minute which I knew. To make the night even worst. As we were walking to the train at Division I saw Chris (one night stand that I had about two months ago that went all wrong). I saw him but made sure he didn’t see me. I was falling all over myself not to be seen. Even though I will admit if I was with a hot guy I would have made sure he saw me. I’m being social because for some reason I can’t bring myself to be cruel to people I hardly know. Train finally arrives we get on and then when its time for me to switch we say goodbye he hugs me (ugh) and gives me a kiss on the cheek (ugh ugh).

I could not get home fast enough last night. I would like to say that I will never go on a blind date again, but I doubt that will happen.

its just thursday

Just when I thought that I had nothing going on. Boy was I wrong. I’m just sitting at home chillin’ on a Thursday night. I was watching something on the tube. I was more interested in drinking a great bottle of Malbec. I was checking messages from work; I like to wait a few days because it gives me something to do. The other line beeps and I think it CM (fiancée). As I have my finger on the button to hit ignore I see the name Steve pop up, WHAT THE FUCK!!! The last time I heard from him was a text message I got the day after my birthday. Quick side note: Steve and I dated about 3 years ago. We also happen to share the same birthday, me being a year his junior. It was after I had met CM and we parted ways for a few months and in the meantime I found psycho (Steve) who I dubbed hubby. We dated, it was awful, I was stupid and that was the end of it. Earlier this year I found him again, he gave me a call and we started chatting again. I have never disclosed to him that I am engaged. Not that I think I will ever get back together with him, but I prefer him thinking that I’m a single women.

I call him back because this has to be good. A few minutes on the phone with a crazy ex (needed some entertainment). We start shooting the shit. I tell him that I’m working; I have my own place now, blah, blah. He asks me if I’m still single. When I tell him yes, he says, “So those needs aren’t getting met huh?” My response, “who said that?” Then he starts talking about his girlfriend. Whether or not this girl exist I do not know, but I really could care less. Then I tell him that he should come and drink in the city and hangout with me. He tells me that more than one drink might not be a good idea, because “stuff” might happen. The sex was not that good when we were together and I don’t even have to bet that it would be good now, because it wouldn’t. So after an hour and a half of conversation I must part ways and my glass is empty, which means time up crazy boy!!!

As soon as I hang up the phone it rings again. Private caller (Josh, who I met a few weeks ago). It had been almost two weeks since we spoke, we never made plans to get a drink or dinner and I did not have his number. He wanted to touch base with me and see if I wanted to do something after work tomorrow. You know I said yes. So there is something to look forward to tomorrow good or bad, I don’t even care at this point. I have to say I admire how men can not call for weeks and then get enough balls to call and ask you out like it was no big deal.

I love how one moment my life is hum drum and the next moment the phone is ringing off the hook with admirer.

life in real time

It is odd to me that I tend to think that my life is dull and boring and nothing is going on at all. When in fact I guess I’m actually having a decent life. I mean there are a few things I would like to be different but can’t change everything.

Last night I was every so grateful to go to a Cubs game. My dear friend Matt had an extra set of tickets and Michael and I have been trying to get to a game all summer long. Matt meets me after work with the tickets (2 hours before game time). Michael came over and off we went. Only in Chicago do people squeeze into a train car to go one stop when walking to Wrigley Field takes the same time. So sardines we were as we got in the train car for the one stop ride to Addison. Michael and I waste no time getting beer. I myself was on a mission. I hadn’t had a drink since Thursday and I was thirsty.

Next thing we know it is the bottom of the 1st and we are already on our third beer.

Michael: I think we should slow down a little

Me: Speak for yourself, bud.

Michael: BEER MAN!!!

Camera phone bad..but you get the idea.

Michael was already buzzing

We were buzzing by the 4th inning and sometime during the 5th I had to make a mad dash to the potty and wait in a line on top of it. I go back to the seats and can’t find Michael. He had to tinkle as well and sure as day left me. After our little intermission we continue drinking away. Now I’m one of those Cubs fans that prefer to pre-drink and then drink at the game and then drink after the game. Michael was trying to be a party pooper. Until he told me he didn’t have to work the next day. We stayed for the entire game which I was against, but glad I did. Cubs won 4-2.

After leaving I’m thinking Barleycorn all the way. Michael some how tricks me into walking to the Belmont stop instead of the bar. I want to go the bar. So we finally end up at Celtic last night. Tuesday night is 32 oz. Personal Mega Pitchers $3 and the PBR was following hell yeah.

Michael: Pabst, huh? You’re a classy one

Me: Don’t I know it!

I finally get my drunken ass home and eat whatever I can find in the house. Next thing I know I realize I have a bruise on the left side of my ass. What the Fuck did I do? Who the hell knows at this point? I get comfy on the couch watch some Tivo. I can’t fall asleep so I just stay up watching The Exorcist (bad idea). I finally knock off at about 4 a.m. Next thing I know the phone rings and my mother goes running down the hall to grab it (there is still something wrong with the fact that my mother is staying with me, but that is a story for another day). I look at the clock. Its 8 a.m. Shit! I love how I forget that I have to work after a night of boozing. Somehow I managed to get showered dressed and coffee and sitting at my office all before 9 a.m. As of right now I just want to go home……

no. 9 charlie (part 2)

Now at this point it might seem pointless that I skip past the initial seeing each other and making sure that the picture in the profile is the same person and that is indeed who you are sitting next to. There were no surprises for wither one of us.

We drive around the corner which I find pointless but ok I’ll go along with it. We get to the bar and start drinking and talking. To be honest I don’t remember most of the conversation up until the next bit of information. He went on about how he was on Oprah, blah, blah, blah. That doesn’t really impress me. Then he goes into my whole reality TV obsession and he says that he dated a woman on a reality TV show, which took place in Chicago. Its time for another OH SHIT! YOU WERE ON STARTING OVER! (Trying not to scream it) OH SHIT! Christine! That’s you! Charlie! He promptly lets me know that I and about two other people in Chicago have ever seen the show (yeah, tell me something that I don’t know).

At this point I am speechless and have to keep reminding myself every 30 seconds not to fall off of the bar stool, when my 2 gin and tonics now feel like 5 and oh shit! I have a buzz! All I can think is just my fuckin’ luck. Only me! All the damn single men and women in Chicago and I end up with you.

So after I collect myself (honestly that took another 2 days to get over). We walk out and I would much rather walk home, because I always seem to get myself into trouble when an evening is coming to an end. But no, Charlie must drive me home. Here I am sitting in his car, shooting the shit. I try numerous times to just say goodnight. At this point he’s having one of those inner male debates on whether or not he should kiss me and frankly I have better things to do. Finally he kisses me. ‘Ok’, I think, we can do this. So I think we spend the next 20 minutes in his car making out. I have to keep telling myself this is as far as this is going to go. There is no way you are getting inside my apartment let alone my pants.

Weak, weak me. Next thing I know we are on my bed. I have to keep telling him that my pants are staying on and so are his.

At this point I need to start lying to myself. Who am I kidding? I always get what I want and at the moment I wanted Charlie. Now for the most part clothes did stay on that night, but there was still some mutual pleasure exchanged.

After he left I felt like a complete fool. To begin with this is the first man that I ever let in my bed in a very long time. I have to have at least one sacred place in the world and that was it. Not to mention I let myself go somewhere it shouldn’t have gone. Some how I let him grab a piece of my heart as he walked out my front door.

I wish that night would have been the last of Charlie….

no. 9 charlie (part 1)

This is the first message that I received from Charlie. I will say I rarely initiate contact with a guy. I’ve found that men are so fickle its best if I let them make the first move.

Me:

You’re stunning. Let’s find out of there is chemistry. I’ve been very successful lately and I’m tired of not having someone to share that with. No drama no baggage just good times.
And I do know how to smile just not in pictures.

-Charlie

I waited about a week before I responded to him I didn’t know what to say. I think the week prior to that I had sent a cosmic vibe out to the universe to find me an older successful man that was handsome to boot and he just landed in my inbox.

My reply

Charlie,

Thanks for the email and the compliment. Even though you say your smile isn’t evident I can still see it. I would love to see if there is any chemistry between the two of us. And if you have any questions feel free to ask.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Me

Me:

I got lots of questions. But I’d much rather talk in person. Tell me when/where to call you (I am the boss here, so I can talk whenever). I keep rereading your profile and it sounds better and better. Now about that reality TV thing…

Charlie

I finally gave in and called him. First thing he does is send me to a website. The website is just letters, some convoluted acronym that of course my tiny brain can’t get right until about the tenth time and a STD testing site comes up. Is he trying to tell me something? I’m very confused at this moment. There is a good amount of silence on the line until he finally tells me that this is the business that he owns. I’m thinking I just need a minute or two to digest all of this information.

Later on in the week he calls me and wants to get a drink. Me. Excited as usual. Of course I start over thinking even something as innocent as a drink. That and just how long it will take for the other shoe to drop. In my history and track record with men ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ is ‘how long it is going to take him to call and cancel’. And just like clockwork I get a voicemail in the middle of the day. He was on his way to the burbs’ for a little league game (should not date men with children, I know, I know). He wanted to reschedule. Very well, I tell myself. I finish my day, go to class and head home. I get home and start vegging out.

Phone rings.

Shit! It’s Charlie!

Hi There! Game was over early I’m on my way back into the city. What exit should I take to your place?

Umm…ummm…..ummm…are you sure you want to do this? I say (thinking I look like shit).

Of course! Sweet charming Charlie replies.

At this point I’m falling all over the place to get ready in about 10 minutes after having peeled everything off after a long day. He calls when he is parked outside. I’m thinking this is bound to be a total disaster, but at the same time its just a few harmless drinks and I’m within walking distance from my apartment if he turns out to be a crazy. Now I have to get it together and then he lets me know he is in the gray BMW outside. Why do I always freak. I don’t know but I do. Of course you drive a BMW! At least now I know what breed of cocky asshole I’m dealing with tonight....

twilight zone

I don’t know what the hell is going on in the cosmos universe and what not, but someone is playing a cruel trick on me at the moment.

Friday afternoon, I get in the car after work with a few errands to run and they must be quick. I’m sick and want to go home and sleep. I know I have to go to Whole Foods and CVS. So I do my grocery shopping and then pull into CVS. As I’m walking by the card aisle I see the top of a head. I think that looks like Charlie (no. 9 in my saga will talk about later). Then again how many tops of men’s heads (hairlines) looks the same and I’m seriously disillusioned with this fever. I keep going, grab Nyquil, then razor blades*. As I turn around I catch a better a glimpse of hairline that looked like Charlie. Shit! It is Charlie. Oh Fuck! I have no where to go. I can’t run, he sees me, he is staring dead at me, think, think. I grin. He walks over and gives me a kiss on the cheek and starts chatting. What the fuck (my inner monologue is going a mile a minute now) I have not talked to you in almost 3 months and it was you who never returned my phone calls. This is too much. I tell him I have to run and dart to the checkout. Once in the parking lot he tells me he will call me soon. Yeah right!

I get in the car and have a mini panic attack. Now I need to blow some stem off so I run into Best Buy for some aimless shopping. So I thought. I bump into Brian. He as of yet does not have a number because we have never gone out or even hooked up. I meet Brian about 3 weeks ago at the grocery store. We exchanged numbers and chatted on the phone for awhile. Then as bold as day I asked him if he wanted to get a drink. He said he would think about it, he wasn’t sure. Again, whatever! You’re a big boy just let me know. That evening I had to run a few errands with LT as I was on my way to pick her up he called back and asked me if I wanted to get a drink. Of course I say yes, because it takes a lot for me to realize when I need to walk away. As I drop LT off at home he calls back and cancels. At that moment the conversation was very one sided, Brian says “I don’t think we should do this, I think out personalities are just too different”. Okay, bye and I hung up. Yesterday at Best Buy, he walks up to me and I quote “hey, we talked a few weeks ago, maybe its too late to talk to you at all, I was kind of kicking myself for wussing out, I don’t know why I wussed out, but I didn’t have your number anymore so I screwed up, but if your willing to talk to me?”

I think why the hell not, I still think your cute as hell and I’m always in need of a new adventure. Not mention theses stories make for great conversation with my friends. Funny thing is I had just erased his phone number from my cell. So let us see if he calls.

So twice in one day, let alone within the same hour. The universe is playing a sick cruel joke on me and I don’t like it. Unless something good comes from it.

* Side note: The razor blades were so I could remove my city sticker off my car, I was going to have the guys at the car wash do it, but I didn’t have the time to go there and wait in a line. Not to mention I found it odd that they sold razor blades right out in the open. But you get everything but fingerprinted when buy Sudafed and speaking of that Nyquil is now pseudoephedrine free. Disappointed in the world we live in these days. Not to mention I find it hilarious that they sold me Nyquil and razor blades. I wouldn’t have.

lost

I have been so out of it lately.

I haven't slept in my bed all week and have taken up residence on my couch I don't think it appreciates me very much. I have a cold. A summer cold and it SUCKS!!!

I dropped my Social Justice class and just chewed $1000 for it. Damnit! I've been going to school for the last 6 years and have barely taken a break. I needed a break. Not to mention it has only been a month since I started working a full-time job for the first time ever. I really think I'm not cut out to be an adult.

Among other things I don't know if I'm going to see "Big D" perform tomorrow night. I just know its going to be one awkward moment after the next and if his ex is there. I'm pretty much going to get drunk and have a breakdown. No one wants to see that. If I do go though it will make for one hell of a post.

I feel like I'm just walking around with too many cares in the world instead of none at all. The only thing that I've been able to do all week is go to work. Money is my only motivation.

god damnit!!!

This is why I absolutely despise the entire dating scence. Maybe it’s me? I ask myself. Hell I always go with the idea that I must have done something wrong first.

Scott, asshole no. 13 who sent me an email a few weeks back telling me that he is seeing someone else. Full of shit I tell you. Now I know that it may not be my place to chew him out or to even judge because I’m an engaged women on a dating frenzy the last few months.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUT………………….

I was willing to be just whatever and leave it at that. I recently (Monday) removed my online dating profile because its time for me to reshuffle a few things in my life. You know, 'stop making the same old mistakes and start making new ones'. At the same time that doesn’t stop me from checking in and seeing what’s going on. Low and behold I see Scott’s newly updated profile with recent pictures to boot. Especially the one at the golf outing that I took.

WHAT THE FUCK MR I’VE BEEN SEEING SOMEONE ELSE AND I THINK WE SHOULDN’T SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE!!

I knew damn well that when I was pissed at him for that email I should have chewed his ass out then and there. I knew he was full of shit. I have had enough of just taking all of this and not giving him a piece of my mind. He told me what was on his mind, so I’m going to tell him what is on mine.

Now just what the hell am I suppose to say?

strange

I'm very perplexed and maybe someone out there can help me.

I just got a phone call on my cell at work, which I know I shouldn't have picked up, but it came up unknown on the caller id. That ranks about no. 4 out of no. 5 on the list of pet-peeves. There is a man talking saying something about an internet conversation were someon types out a message and then someone else reads it to you and then you respond and they type it back to them.

OOOOOOkkkkkkkkaaaaayyy!!!!!!!!!!

I listen and the message relayed to me is:

"Whats up kid?!?!"

I have no idea who it was and as much as I wanted to kow I hung up becuase the phone at my desk was ringing. I am perplexed to say the least. Not to mention who the hell would use an internet service to talk to me and not identify themselves right away?

Just another mystery that may never be solved. Back to work I go.

shuffle of the heart

So prepared to write of my recent weekend activities that consisted of not one dull moment. I'm going to digress from that.

Ever since I got that email from "Big D" we have spoken on and off sometimes just online or just a quick phone call, which has been on his behalf not mine. These conversations are often short and never really have a beginning or an end to them. Its a 'hello' and checking in with one another. I think he does it to make sure there are no hard feelings and I do in in hope that he wants to be with me. I still miss him terribly on the weekends. I still have a little ping of pain that my heart feels when I lay in my bed without him.

He was online today and I took it upon myself to intiate the conversation. it was the same 'hi' 'how are you?' fare. We were swapping pics from the past few weekends, like we so often did but they involved usually him and I. Now, I don't know if this was intentional or not, but I am pretty sure that the "chick" who was in some of those photos is his ex, becuase I refuse to believe that they are together at all (I KNOW I'M IN DENIAL AND I LIKE IT HERE!). My next topic of convearsation was to ask him if he had any new gigs. Which I have to say I was setting him up and I think he might have known but I acted before thinking. As I typed the words out I already knew the answers, I had run into Tom Holland Sunday afternoon and he was telling me about the gigs this weekend. Well he told me what I already knew and I left it at that.

Of course my stupid girly ways kick in and I phone Erica to tell her and ask her if she wants to accompany me Friday night. There is no way I am going to show up alone like I did soooo many times before. Now, that I'm pretty sure I'm going I can't help but wonder if she is going to be there as well. I do plan on letting him know that I will be there. I also feel as though I should ask him if we should even attempt this friendship thing or should I just sliently weep that him and I will never be.

All in all; there is irony involved. The place he is preforming at Friday night is the place were the magic all began.

my new theme song

This song just resinates with me at the moment, it goes deep enough without going to deep, but it's just what I need at the moment.

Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase
Even your emotions had an echo
And so much space
Hmm mmmm
And when you're out there
Without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Mmm

Does that make me crazy
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
Thats my only advice
Hmm
Come on now
Who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are
Ha ha ha!
Bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heros had the heart, to put their lives out on the limb
And all I remember, is thinking I want to be like them
Hmm mmm
Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little it looked like fun
And its no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

when to add artifical sweetener

Maybe when the guy in front of you at Starbucks orders six shots of espresso straight.

or....

Convincing your boss how necessary it is for you to spend two extended days in NYC for a business trip on the companies dimes.

Yah! It will be my first business trip. Of course I'm looking forward to going anywhere and not having to pay for it. I should be worried about not making a fool of myself in front of some very important people. I'll find that out shortly, my plane leaves this afternoon.

contemplating...

...LIFE and other odds and ends.

Will return shortly with something.