shuffle of the heart

So prepared to write of my recent weekend activities that consisted of not one dull moment. I'm going to digress from that.

Ever since I got that email from "Big D" we have spoken on and off sometimes just online or just a quick phone call, which has been on his behalf not mine. These conversations are often short and never really have a beginning or an end to them. Its a 'hello' and checking in with one another. I think he does it to make sure there are no hard feelings and I do in in hope that he wants to be with me. I still miss him terribly on the weekends. I still have a little ping of pain that my heart feels when I lay in my bed without him.

He was online today and I took it upon myself to intiate the conversation. it was the same 'hi' 'how are you?' fare. We were swapping pics from the past few weekends, like we so often did but they involved usually him and I. Now, I don't know if this was intentional or not, but I am pretty sure that the "chick" who was in some of those photos is his ex, becuase I refuse to believe that they are together at all (I KNOW I'M IN DENIAL AND I LIKE IT HERE!). My next topic of convearsation was to ask him if he had any new gigs. Which I have to say I was setting him up and I think he might have known but I acted before thinking. As I typed the words out I already knew the answers, I had run into Tom Holland Sunday afternoon and he was telling me about the gigs this weekend. Well he told me what I already knew and I left it at that.

Of course my stupid girly ways kick in and I phone Erica to tell her and ask her if she wants to accompany me Friday night. There is no way I am going to show up alone like I did soooo many times before. Now, that I'm pretty sure I'm going I can't help but wonder if she is going to be there as well. I do plan on letting him know that I will be there. I also feel as though I should ask him if we should even attempt this friendship thing or should I just sliently weep that him and I will never be.

All in all; there is irony involved. The place he is preforming at Friday night is the place were the magic all began.