I Was On the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Adderall & Red Bull...seems the most sense for getting through finals. Any other suggestions?

So far I have spent my day trying not to have a nervous breakdown. I have not pulled out my hair yet. But I'm pretty sure Sunday night I will be on the 10th floor of the library rocking back and forth and shaking while repeating mumbled words to myself. I can hardly wait.

I have been laying low all day just to insure I remain cool calm and collective just in case. It has been awhile since I've sat on my couch in the middle of the day.

Anyway I was browsing youtube all day. I can't get enough of Danny Devito drunk...he so made my week, but then I found this. Its very possible this made my year.

Men

…those who I have loved, those who have loved me (huh?), the men who have come, those who have gone and those who still continue to grace me with their presence.

I Need Him Like a Fat Kid Needs Cake

I nervously picked up the phone and scrolled to his name on my cell phone.

I hadn't even left the building I was still waiting to get off the elevator.

I hit send, two rings and a pick up, nothing abrupt, but a calming hi, I've missed you.

Oh ok I can handle this.
Sorry I haven't been around lately,
Its okay, you know me busy busy busy.
Well you need to come over for another vodka and tonic that seems to be the only time I have any fun.
Um...yeah...okay...sure.
I'll give you a call around 7 after I leave the office.
Okie dokie? (are you retarded?)

Charlie why do you do this to me? Oh wait I called him. SHIT!

Back to square one...

again.

OH MY GOD!

I saw my ex this weekend when I went shopping (never before mentioned ex).

I ventured to suburban shopping land to meet a friend and blow some cash. Saturday after Thanksgiving so I was braced to deal with the crazies. Once I was actively looking for parking I took the first spot I saw, even if it was clear on the other side of where I needed to be.

As I pulled into the space the individual in front of me looked familiar, but I thought, no, it can’t be, uh…wait…maybe? No, just my imagination, your losing your mind crazybeautiful. I got out of the car looked directly in his direction. Indeed it was thee! With his wife and child! Really I’m ok, I’m breathing, walking (at least I think I was).

This is were things get tricky. Normally I would have looked him dead in the eyes and engage in conversation of my fabulous life. Okay question: Are there rules when running into exes in public? Especially those who cost you thousands in therapy, totally fucked you up with every relationship since and is probably a contributing factor to your current problems with that bottle of Kettle One.

We actually emailed each other after the messy aftermath and such, but it just re-opened old wounds. Luckily I have never experienced anything that nasty and bitter since. I mean this guy got married less than a year after we broke up, I'm talking 6 months after. He never even informed me either.

So there I was cars directly in front of one another and I'm running for my life in this parking lot (I know he saw me). I actually wasn't overly concerned. I have come along way since him and I thought at least if he did say something to me I had my engagement ring on.

Once I got to the other side and found Steph, I apparently looked like I had seen a ghost. She asked me if I wanted to talk about it, I said no, I squashed it right then and there.

Now back to the rules of running into exes. Is there a protocol? For some reason I became a chicken shit and ran, I never would have done that before and I have absolutely no feelings or connections to him at all, that drama was many moons ago.

Pheeeww!!! I'm glad I got that off my chest.

Happy...

You never know what your going to get from me do you? I’m definitely not one to stand around and yap about what I’m thankful for, it’s not my style. I will say that I am thankful for one special thing this year and I will leave it at that.

So without further ado Happy Turkey Day! Happy Half-Naked Thursday!

Sneak Attack

I know I managed to supply you all with some rather titillating material the last two days but all good things must come to an end, or at least a pause. Early this morning I picked up the fiancé at the airport that is right for you who are not aware or have forgotten, I Crazybeautiful am engaged. After the tug-a-war we have been having for the past few months, he finally gave in and decided that it would be a good idea to see me (at the last minute). I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave home for the holidays this year. Anyway, the next few days will only be filled with modest post only (I had to cancel dates!) Crazybeautiful shall return with something juicy. Right now I’m going to go be Suzy Homemaker for the next few days.

I thought this was pretty true and wanted to share it with you all. Check it out!

10 Reasons Readers Don’t Leave Comments

The Date (part 2)

I’m not even going to beat around the bush here, we’re all family. The sex was amazing, much better then it was the first time I had reluctantly crawled into his bed. As familiar as the entire set up was I did not care. I wanted him. I get what I want.

Last time we did this it felt like I was getting kicked out soon afterwards, that was not the case this time. He asked me if I wanted to stay, at this time it was after 12:30 and my brain was mush. Now in the back of my mind I knew I should have gone home. He got up and was finishing laundry and what not, completely something I would have done and have done. I use to leave “Big D” in my bed all the time. Now this is were things just get too complicated for me. I cannot sleep in other people’s beds especially when someone is in the bed with me. I like my bed and I prefer it all to myself.

So I laid there wondering what time it was, because he doesn’t have a clock in the bedroom, I listened to him snore and I think I nodded off a few times. I’m guessing sometime around 5 a.m. he got up and when he came back to bed he wanted more. Those hands of his are going to get me into trouble. He holds me with the strength of ten men and at the same time with the lightest touch I’ve ever felt. Once again it was incredible, but I knew I needed to be up and home for work shortly, not to mention he once again made his stink about being at the gym at 6 a.m.

Well that didn’t happen we feel back asleep. I lay there wondering what time it was once again. I had my hand on his back, attempting to slowly wake him, mainly because I was not in the mood to get up naked out of bed and see what time it was. Now that I think about it, he must have thought that I wasn’t done with him yet, because at 7 a.m. that led to us going at it one last time.

Finally it was after 8 and we knew we had to get going. Ha! I had to be at work at 10 a.m. and needed to be home to shower and oh yeah, his housekeeper was on her way as well. I finally got my shit together and got home, luckily I live less than ten minutes from his place. I was showered dressed and ready to go in minutes, but there was no time to take the train it was a quarter after nine. I had no choice but to drive. I practically ran every light in Chicago Thursday morning, managed to park, get coffee and be in the office with minutes to spare. Thursday was a blur to say the least. He had knocked me off kilter and I still haven’t gotten my game back since that night.

The Date (part 1)

I know you all have been wondering what I’ve been up to…mischief as always enjoy!

Out of pure boredom last Monday night, I picked up my phone and decided to text Charlie (parts 1, 2, 3) to inquire if he wanted to have dinner Wednesday night. He accepted and I of course was delighted. That was until I arrived at his place a few minutes early and started having a panic attack. I drove around his condo for the next ten minutes while I had a smoke and did nothing in calming my nerves which I had been working on all day.

I arrived and rang him to let me in; he greeted me with a kiss on the lips. He had offered to cook dinner for me after he tried to take me out for German food. Not a wise choice for a vegan. He had went to Whole Foods and picked up a few things. I got in took my coat off and he poured me a Vodka and Tonic, we sat on the couch and just started talking, then it finally comes, “why did we stop seeing each other?” he tried to convince me it was my fault, then I let him know it was his, he finally got it and probably realized what an ass he had been and dropped it. I just sat there thinking about how great it was to be in his presence again (he is so hot! and intelligent to boot). Finally we ate dinner, as though I had forgotten why I was there in the first place. I was buzzed already and wanted another. I was extra thirsty, which is a lie, because I’m always thirsty. Afterwards we lay down on the couch together, a scene far too familiar.

By now my head is just spinning out of control. As he lied next to me and he kept telling me just how great I am and how he forgot how smart I was. Next thing I know he is kissing me and I know things are going to get hot and heavy. He then jumps up to go to the bathroom (thank God!) I had to pee to. So I slipped in the second bath. When I got back he was waiting for me, but not on the couch, instead he was standing next to this bedroom door, he grabbed my hand and led me to his bed. As he lay down on the bed and took me with him, I straddled him and something came over me. As I kissed him and he unhooked my bra, I managed to remove my shirt and bra in the most seductive porn/stripper move ever. He grabbed my back as I moved towards him again to run my tongue down his chest. His strength seduces me every time. He moved back against the pillows of his king size bed as he gently pulled me on top of him...to be continued.

Sunday night

There is no better way to spend a sunday night than eating a popsicle and watching Harry Potter (not to mention recovering from a hangover).

Why Do I Do the Things I Do?

I knew damn well that I had a date with the Greek Saturday night. I was suppose to have a drink with a new guy (no nickname or real name used until after first date) Thursday night, but was too exhausted and pissed to. While online chatting with both of them, the Greek about Saturday, I make a date with new guy for Saturday night. If only I could answer my own insanity. I'm thinking oh shit! How am I going to get myself out of this? So of course I’m going to spend Saturday afternoon trying to decide who I should go out with and who gets a let down text (I am such a wimp). I’m thinking the Greek loses on this one. I already know how that is going to go before it even happens, not to mention he isn’t going anywhere.

So that was what I was thinking Thursday night. Friday on my way home new guy called. I was happy to talk to him, he wanted to confirm our plans for Saturday night and I was delight. Of course I had to convince myself, but the new guy seems like the obvious choice unlike another dull date with the Greek. Date with new guys allows me to hangout with someone new, go to bars in the city, which I love to do and have an adventure with someone new. A date with the Greek consist of sitting in his apartment watching a bad movie, having an ok takeout dinner and drinking a bottle of wine followed by sex, been there and done that. So the new guy it is. I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

uuugh...mom!

Lately...

I’ve been spending all my time loving vodka and tonics and doing no work. This has to change, but not until next week.

Hodgepodge

Lets see...oh, yes.

I tend to make really bold decisions without thinking them through. I am without a doubt masochist.

I realize that the one way to get too many dates in one week is to wear my engagement ring all the time. I'm beating the boys off with a stick.

I've decided that texting is not such a bad idea after all.

I currently have three dates this week. I don’t even have time to go to the gym lately, but I’m going to entertain three different men. They are just going to have to entertain me.

I still never answered Wombats question from last week.

Stay-ups or garter belt and stockings?

I always go bare leg.

And while I’m addressing all of my dear Wombats inquiries, why do you still insist that I am so cryptic? If you have any burning questions just email me directly (this is solely directed to you) I will answer them all.

I had another case of masochism this morning, the damn CTA. It actually turned out to be a positive experience (first ever). I spent my four stops to my destination doing the crossword puzzle with a complete hottie. He completely made my day as I refreshed his memory on the Free Willy movies.

That is all for now…and keep the questions coming people.

Just in Case

For those of you who missed it the first time. I don't have have bad habits...I am a bad habit

My Heart Sank

Call me crazy…everybody else does. It started while in class last night, I noticed “my pencil” was gone. There was no need to panic. This is not a class that I take notes in and a pen will suffice for the evening.

This morning once I made it through the fight of getting out of bed. First thing that came to mind was “my pencil” I must find you. Emptied out my bag, nothing, scavenged my office floor and drawers, still, nothing. Then I start to look for “other pencil”.

“Other pencil” was once “my pencil” but it was lost this spring and had to be replaced. I had used “other pencil” for nearly two years (only constant relationship ever for me).

(I’m sure by now you are aware this is no ordinary #2 pencil)

I couldn’t find either one of them. I’m running late as usual, all while telling myself I’m not crazy, but can I make it through the day using a pen? I’m rationalizing with myself. I was an economics major. I spent my college career using a pencil; this is just what I do! Okay, I open another drawer, Starbucks gift cards, Score! Not today though. I finally settle on another pencil, even a pen if I have to. I’m pretty sure I will have a nervous breakdown, but never-the-less, will make it through.

As I make my way to the car I’m thinking about how I will have to make stops all over the city to find the perfect pencil once again to get me through countless crossword puzzles and sudoku puzzles a-like. As I open the door, there it is, “my pencil”. I took a deep breath and was on my way to work. Of course on my way to work, all I could think about is how this post really lays the groundwork for me further exploring the reasons as to why I do not commit (in regards to any and everything).

Stay tuned for more drama from Crazybeautiful and I bet you thought this was going to be about a boy.

I've Been Waiting All Week for This

HAPPY HNT!!!

I love this picture Elie was completely shit-faced and decided that it was absolutely critical that everybody in the bar see her ass. As for me blogging about nothing as of late there is plenty to say, but my time has become so limited. I will fill you in on life's ups and downs soon.

Nothing to see here

And the answers are...

As far as me entering the dark side I officially have a myspace page God help me, I was forced, I swear.

Not Carrie asked:

Pick 3 bloggers you do NOT know to be on a deserted island for 1 year with.

My answer is completely unfair and as much as I love you all there is only one person whom I would choose and I would choose them more than three times.

Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!

Wanderlusting asked:

Are you dressing up for Halloween? If yes, what are you being? And if no, why the hell not!?

I did dress up (Saturday night); I was a Gothic Fairy (bad choice), but more on that later.