no. 9 charlie (part 1)

This is the first message that I received from Charlie. I will say I rarely initiate contact with a guy. I’ve found that men are so fickle its best if I let them make the first move.

Me:

You’re stunning. Let’s find out of there is chemistry. I’ve been very successful lately and I’m tired of not having someone to share that with. No drama no baggage just good times.
And I do know how to smile just not in pictures.

-Charlie

I waited about a week before I responded to him I didn’t know what to say. I think the week prior to that I had sent a cosmic vibe out to the universe to find me an older successful man that was handsome to boot and he just landed in my inbox.

My reply

Charlie,

Thanks for the email and the compliment. Even though you say your smile isn’t evident I can still see it. I would love to see if there is any chemistry between the two of us. And if you have any questions feel free to ask.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Me

Me:

I got lots of questions. But I’d much rather talk in person. Tell me when/where to call you (I am the boss here, so I can talk whenever). I keep rereading your profile and it sounds better and better. Now about that reality TV thing…

Charlie

I finally gave in and called him. First thing he does is send me to a website. The website is just letters, some convoluted acronym that of course my tiny brain can’t get right until about the tenth time and a STD testing site comes up. Is he trying to tell me something? I’m very confused at this moment. There is a good amount of silence on the line until he finally tells me that this is the business that he owns. I’m thinking I just need a minute or two to digest all of this information.

Later on in the week he calls me and wants to get a drink. Me. Excited as usual. Of course I start over thinking even something as innocent as a drink. That and just how long it will take for the other shoe to drop. In my history and track record with men ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ is ‘how long it is going to take him to call and cancel’. And just like clockwork I get a voicemail in the middle of the day. He was on his way to the burbs’ for a little league game (should not date men with children, I know, I know). He wanted to reschedule. Very well, I tell myself. I finish my day, go to class and head home. I get home and start vegging out.

Phone rings.

Shit! It’s Charlie!

Hi There! Game was over early I’m on my way back into the city. What exit should I take to your place?

Umm…ummm…..ummm…are you sure you want to do this? I say (thinking I look like shit).

Of course! Sweet charming Charlie replies.

At this point I’m falling all over the place to get ready in about 10 minutes after having peeled everything off after a long day. He calls when he is parked outside. I’m thinking this is bound to be a total disaster, but at the same time its just a few harmless drinks and I’m within walking distance from my apartment if he turns out to be a crazy. Now I have to get it together and then he lets me know he is in the gray BMW outside. Why do I always freak. I don’t know but I do. Of course you drive a BMW! At least now I know what breed of cocky asshole I’m dealing with tonight....