what!?!?!?

Ok people.

I have been so crazied the last few days that writing just didn't have a place at the moment. I did however managed to collect a semi informative rant about classes starting again and how I hate the human race, blah, blah, etc. Just in true form as my life so often happens to take unsuspecting turns. The first thing I wake up to this morning is this:

hi (my real name) how have you been?

IT WAS FROM THE GREEK

That was all people. That was all! I don't even know what to say to that. If I was just speechless at the moment it would be good, but i'm beyond that. I'm sure i'll find out soon enough where he has been for th last month.

i needed that

It was an extremely slow weekend. As to date I have not called the ex Steve nor has he called me in two weeks. I still haven’t emailed Scott back. I really don’t have anything more to say to him and I need to stop being such a lap dog when it comes to men. I always leave the impression that you can just call me whenever and I’ll jump, no more jumping for this girl. I also have not heard from the Greek. He has literally dropped off the face of the earth. To top all things off I start class this afternoon. How does managerial economics sounds? Yeah, that exciting. I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with work. Even though I could have delayed finishing grad school by dropping down to a part-time student. I feel I have worked to long and to hard to do that.

Friday night was far more exciting than last week was, even though I was all prepared to watch Larry King Live and Anderson Cooper 360. I went to dinner with my mom. It was awesome as it always is we ate dinner at Davis St. Fish market. So good it was orgasmic. This directly correlates with my next topic. I haven’t had sex in almost two months. I think (if I have to think about it it’s been too long)

That all changed Friday night. I arrived home at 10 from dinner and had a good buzz going from the Pinot Gris. I looked down at my phone and the first thing I saw was a message from Dean. He wanted to know if I wanted to come over, sure, I thought (how many times have you read that from me before?) of course I had to shave and collect myself before I went, Damnit, everything is always a production with me.

I finally got there 30 minutes later. We haven’t seen each other for awhile. I realize that no strings attached, friends with benefits situations never turn out well. At first its fine. Then I some how become attached, unknowingly. It just happens and that person does something that I ache for.

I told myself all weekend that I wasn’t going to let this happen again! But being with him on the floor of his bedroom while listening to Kenny Chesney….I NEEDED THAT!!!

AND WILL LEAVE IT AT THAT!

it didn't stop there

I finally sent him an email back about 4 hrs later. I will admit I spent a good deal of that time pacing around the office, trying to keep busy only to be distracted by his email which I took as a slight and an insult to some extent. I always feel like I’m over reacting. Which in hindsight I am.

My response:

All is well. This summer has been exceptional. Work is going great and I think I'm finally ready to launch this business in style. I've even had time to spend a few days at the beach not worrying about the office for once.

His response:

That is good to hear ;) Beach time is definitely a plus! lol I hope you are not working yourself to death anymore..

Maybe we could get together again sometime in the next couple months.. ;)

Scott

Who says that, I think he was expecting more and once again I have managed to take the high road in this situation at least as he sees it.

only on hump day

How have you been (real name here)? I hope everything is going okay. I hope you dad is feeling better. I just wanted to shoot you a line and see how things are going for you.

Hope all is well ;)

Scott

So I come to my panel of experts to see how I should respond which means I forwarded Erica the email as soon as it came my way about 4 minutes ago and its posted for all of you fellow bloggers to read. Scott and I haven’t spoken for a month because he said he was seeing someone else and then I find that you have totally revamped your Yahoo! Personals profile. I think something fishy is going on. The last thing I want to hear is yet another guy tell me that he shouldn’t have let me go only to dump me yet again a week later.

Scott this one is for you!

101 ways to spend friday night alone

Well actually I only have two, but hey, you get the idea. Either way your alone.

1. Drinking a bottle of Pinor while watching Sideways and eating Dark chocolate.
2. Sitting in front of an open refrigerator eating salad out of a bag.

I did both, I so wish my mother had a camera when she walked by. She just looked down and turned away. Apparently that is exactly what I was doing 20 years ago as well. What a surprise!

the voices in my head

I thought about making a list, about nothing and a whole lot of nothing. I've decided against that can you tell? My week has thus far been uneventful and I like it that way. I'm really just laying low at the moment.

In other news I've been to chicken shit to face "Big D". I've been avoiding his phone calls and his online apperances. I don't even know what to say to him and every time I think I have questions for him I just freeze up. He only has a few more days in town and then I will forfeit two weeks of no contact. So I need to make a decision now as to what I'm going to do. I just don't want to put myself through an evening of awkard moments at the bar or us talking non stop catching up and ending in a heated makeout session only to be alone for the next two weeks.

I have not heard from the ex so far this week. THANK GOD (followed with a big *sigh* of relief). If anyone has the ability to send me to an early grave he would be the one.

I've also decided that I'm not going to the bar or out at all this weekend, of course I say that now becuase it is only Wednesday (surely that will change).

express yourself

I've decided that instead of spending time bitching about others and at others. I'm just going to rely on happy bunny to help me express myself. And while I'm at it i changed my blog up a little as well. Does anyone know how I can remove the frame around the image I put up? Its been awhile since I've muked with tthis html stuff.

let's start with saturday

**Sorry this Saturday after post does not contain the usual tales of the drunk nights out at the bar, funny pictures that help tell the tale or those of being solicited by men named earl.**

Because of the chaos that is my life I only got about 3 hours of sleep Friday night. Even though I could have traded it all to go camping in the Indiana Dunes with work (I think it was a good idea I passed on that). There was no 4 hr. nap this Saturday. Steve and I finally decided to hangout. We decided to meet at a half way point at the mall. I needed mutual ground. It makes more sense to drive separately and leave separately. After hassling on a good time I actually got there before him. I decided I would go to Starbucks and chill. I run into Ryan (what, hell yeah, I love that kid). So we sat there and chatted, I told him about the meeting with the ex.

Next thing I know there is a text and Steve is outside of Starbucks. I am not nervous at all. I just want this over with. There he is, HELLO! Someone got mighty big around the middle since I last saw them and last week I was so worried about the extra pounds I had put on in the last few months.

We walked around and did some shopping. He had to make a comment every single time I bought something. Let me tell you something asshole. I make my own damn money and I can spend it as I see fit. You are the last damn person who needs to tell me those boots cost too much. Then we were trying to find a movie to see or eat. I opted to eat, because I needed a drink dealing with him. At that point I did not want to sit through a movie with him. I had to listen to him lie about any and everything and the tell me shit as though I don’t know what’s going on in the world. He is the most dramatic fucker I know and he kept sweating the entire time. Ugh (I just wanted to go home).After we ate and went to Barnes & Nobles it was time for me to get the hell out of there. I was done. I dropped him off at his car and couldn’t wait to light up a cigarette.

I was finally on my way home and was deciding whether or not I wanted to go out with the gang that night. It was Brian’s birthday and Anna was throwing him a party at Duffy’s $25 all you can drink from 9-1. I got home and couldn’t make up my mind. I went online “Big D” was on.

It has been almost 2 weeks since we’ve had any contact. He still gives me that feeling that sensations that I can’t understand. I don’t know what it is that he does to me, but the feeling is something different, new, and raw. No man has ever made me feel that way; I just don’t know what that way is. We start making small talk and I find out that he’s taking a road trip to Canada for two weeks. Then I decide to find out what he is up that night. Turns out not a damn thing. I ask him if he wants to get some beers. He didn’t want to come into the city so I suggested our regular spot by his place, ‘definite possibility’, he says. Oh! How excited was I? At the same time my entire body was shaking just waiting for his response. I was throwing myself out there. I have not once asked him about his ex-girlfriend nor has he mentioned her. I thought things must be going well if he is willing to hangout (right?) Well he had a friend coming by and he was already on his way. So I suggest another time before he leaves for the two weeks. He says he’ll give me a call.

I finally decide I’m going to go out. I can’t just sit here.

I get dressed grab my purse head out the door, realize my shirt is inside out, take care of that situation and head to the train. My phone rings, It’s “Big D”. What does he say? “Hey, it’s good to hear your voice, sorry about tonight I will make it up to you, and things haven’t worked out how I wanted them to this summer”. At this point there is lots of stuttering going on from my end. I finally mumble, “Ok”. “I’ll talk to you later, have a good night”, “you to”, I mumble again. There I stand frozen in the middle of the side walk, walk damnit (I tell myself).

I spent the entire el ride and walk to the bar replaying that phone conversation. I thought that I was jumping the gun by inviting him out. I knew he may have been hesitant about me coming to his place, because the chances of us reliving so many Saturday nights that turned in to Sunday mornings before.

I finally get to the bar, trying to clear my head of the events that just took place, I have no words. I tell Erica, who was drunk by the time I showed up and she just looked confused and responded what the fuck with that all about.

By the time I got the bar I was thinking of opting put with the risk band. I just knew that being able to drink non stop after what “Big D” had told me would result in a night of me getting drunk and crying. I was thinking I’ll stay for a few hours and go home. Yeah right! Everyone was wasted by the time I got there, so I joined in on the festivities. I don’t know how many rum and cokes I had, but they were pretty damn strong, we totally double fisted at one point.

The night soon followed with going to another bar. Erica and Adam getting into a fight because Erica got a guy to buy her a drink. Lots of throwing popcorn at each other. Oh and I almost went home with an Australian (hmm..that would have been fun). I will take an Australian or New Zealander which he called a Kiwi over a British boy anyday, accent is way HOTTER!!

i'm not dead

I just had another insane week. But have plenty of stories to share.

tuesday

Today was just another day. I left work early and joined my mother at her place of employment to help her get something’s organized. It was much needed and well spent day of mindless chatter and laughter (her and I are experts at that).

I have spent the last two days recovering from one good date and one bad date (it’s almost not even worth writing about; it’s one for the vault).

I have also spent the last few days talking to Steve, every night I get a phone call. I just keep listening. Tonight he wanted my advice on what to do about his so-called ex girlfriend. I hope this is not his way of trying to weasel back into my life. My friend Paul warned me that his motives and our recent reconnected friendship is just a bunch of grab and to be extra guarded. I told him today that he was right. Then Steve proceeded to ask me if there was a softer more romantic side to me. I said, no. He asked why, because I’m a bitch I responded. I’ve been hurt so many times that I refuse to be vulnerable again. Then I realized something. This is the same conversation we had 3 years ago when he told me that he loved me and I told him that I was not ready to reciprocate in the same way. I really don’t know what to think.

I keep thinking that this trip that my heart has taken the past 6 months is just making me realize that CM may be the only guy for me and that what I’m looking for I already have right in front of me.

In closing, I really need a few days by myself. I was thinking of taking a retreat a few months ago, but got sidetracked; I think its time for me to make plans and book that cabin far from the city.

get this

So after I sent Craig from craigslist that email this is what I got back in return.

Hey(real name here), I had a good time also! I didn't get the sense that we were compatible romantically, though. Let me know the next time you and your friends are going out to a bar, and maybe I'll tag along. :-)

Craig

I seriously have an issue when it come to my ego taking a hit. As of right now stick a fork i nme becuase I'm DONE!!!

and the winner was

…Craig?

Yeah, believe it or not I met a guy from craigslist whose name is Craig weird huh? I’m telling you only me. This date was a change of pace for me. 99% of the time I shy away from guys that are the same age as me. So for me to consider dating someone 23 is like once in a blue moon rare.

Saturday night the plan was to see The Hot Karl. He suggested dinner before hand, which I appreciated because he took the initiative. So we decided to meet up around 10:30 and had a bit to eat. First impression he is shorter than me, but only by an inch so I think I can live and he was thin, eeh, lets not jump ahead of ourselves I said its only just begun.

I was over dressed. But not crazy over dressed. I knew I should have just grab a t-shirt and sans the earrings. I need to take more risk. The conversation during dinner was pretty good; a moderate pace including world views and interest mixed a few awkward moments. Then the food came, I’ve never seen a guy be so picky about what he eats. He pretty much spent the entire time picking at his food until he was finally satisfied. I couldn’t watch after awhile and whatever he was doing I wanted no part in for fear I would comment. He promptly paid for dinner unlike that asshole Josh (still makes my skin boil thinking about it). Then we went to catch the bus. Now I know I claim to not be high maintenance 90% of the time, but its 11:30 on a Saturday night take a damn cab. So we get on a loud nosy CTA bus packed full of people. Finally we arrive at the theater. There was no show. Damnit! I knew I should have called ahead of time to make sure. So it was all about plan B.

We decided to take a walk back down Belmont. Chatting and even exchanging some playful banter. I still didn’t think I felt any real attraction. Finally we decided on grabbing a few drinks. It turned out to be quite difficult to find a quiet bar in Chicago at 12:30 a.m. we tried about three places and finally decided on grabbing a six pack and head to the beach.

This was such a change of pace for me. I was very surprised at his willingness to find a place where we could chat. I took that as an indication as him really wanting to get to know me. I have to admit I was starting to have a good time. We went down to the beach, grabbed a bench and just drank beer and talked. Then for some reason everyone in Chicago decided it would be a great place to hangout as well. We moved further to the water and sometime after the second beer. He asked me if I was interested in making out. I could have cared less at this point. I figured what the hell, because maybe that would help me decided if there was something there or not. We just sat there, I figure if you’re going to ask me if I want to make out and I say sure then maybe you should make the first move and he didn’t so I suggested we move closer to the water and of course the cops showed up. So maybe that’s not going to happen. As we walked back he suggested we hangout at his place (we were even finishing each others sentences and having the same thoughts at this point). I figured that would work until his friend who was visiting was outside on the stairs with some guy from the apartment upstairs. Next thing I know I’m hanging out with 19 year olds that are dumb as shit. I lost two hours of my life that I will never get back. This went on until 4:20 a.m. I went inside to pee and when I got out of the bathroom his friend was just sitting there on the couch. OKAY!! I guess my night is over.

He walked me out and opened his arms to give me a hug. I hesitated for a moment and then went in for the hug. He seemed disappointed. But at that point, nothing is going to happen no matter who you are.

So there I was standing at Clark & Foster at 4:35 a.m. trying to get a cab and not get raped, assaulted, robbed or even killed for that matter. At one point I thought I was going to have to walk the 3 or so miles home. I obviously made it home in one piece and of course as I went to bed the sun was rising.

There was my Saturday night in a nutshell a very long nutshell. I felt terrible the next day and sent him an email. I just wanted him to know that it was late and the flow of our evening was interrupted but maybe we could try a next time.

who did i pick?

Just to keep those of you that read this blog regularly (all 2 of you) guessing. As you know I had a choice between Steve the ex and the guy from craigslist to go out with. Who do you think I spent my Saturday night with? I want to know.

i asked around

...apparently this is my life.

For the life of me I do not know why Monday thru Wednesday there seems to no action in my life. No excessive phone calls mainly of those trying to get into my pants. Which means Erica taunting me about offering free sex on craigslist was not far off from the truth at all. She was right for once! So the emailing back and forth with men on craigslist, is pretty much my new addiction at the moment. Friday night was full of relieving the old days.

I was a nanny during college before I went to Portland. Funny thing is I was a nanny for my now boss. Weird. I know really weird. Anyway I don’t mind it I love those kids and it’s a quiet night and gas money, not that I need it, but anyway. I was just minding my own business watching CNN the kids were in bed and I hadn’t checked my phone 2 missed phone calls. Ok, I assume its CM and my mother. Boy was I wrong. It was Steve.

Last we chatted was a few weeks ago. He is the one that calls me. He is damn right entertaining because I think to myself what were you thinking when you were with him? Who the hell knows? (More on that later) I called him back and we just chatted. I always feel that every time he calls he wants something. He keeps questioning me as to why I’m still single and always feels the need to mention his girlfriend. This is the same guy who almost 3 years ago we were actually considering getting married. I laugh at how disastrous that would have been. That marriage wouldn’t have last a month. So he spends a good 20 minutes beating around the bush Get to the point shit head just get to the point!! He obviously wanted to tell me something. Then he switches subjects and ask me if I’m doing anything Saturday night. Nothing at all I say. Did you have something in mind? You can come into the city and hangout with me if you want to? He’s like I think I will. The thing with Steve is you don’t have to ask him what up; he is going to tell you on his own accord. Sure enough he starts talking about how crappy his week was. He lost his job and wait for it wait for it…he broke up with his girlfriend. 500 points for me! Like I didn’t see that shit coming. Now beg like a good boy, you can do it come on. I have a feeling that they broke up awhile ago becuase of the frequency of calls increased but with him who the hell knows because he has been calling me a little too much lately. Now I know why you asked me if you wanted to hangout tomorrow night and you have been hinting at us hanging out for awhile now so you finally worked up enough courage to do so. The possibilities of us hanging out on my turf for once and we haven’t seen each other in three years damn I wish I hadn’t gotten fat again since grad school, I was hot 6 months ago, but I can work with that. Now, yes I did semi plan a date with one guy from craigslist but I haven’t heard from him yet and I’m not chasing men when I know they will come to me. (Ha ha ha evil laugh). Now the possibilities of him actually showing up and or ditching me are 50/50 so I just have to wait and see.

Our conversation did not stop there. He went on and on about how he still regrets breaking up with me. According to him I was nothing but nice to him the entire time we were together and he was just a jerk. He just keeps apologizing to me. I’m just taking it all in, this is my time. He starts comparing me to his now ex this should be good? When he starts rambling its best to get a comfy seat and a bucket of popcorn extra salty. He tells me that I was low maintenance, ok sure what kind of drugs were you taking when we were together? I guess that’s because I did not spend all of our time talking about marriage as she did. I find out some more about this girl who was 30 by the way, I was slightly taken aback by that bit of info. I know just me moving along. Then after buttering me up he tries to back track and say that he isn’t saying this to get back with me. Then why speak at all, right? I take that remark to an entirely new level. “So you wouldn’t consider dating me again?” “What are you trying to tell me Steve?” I know he’s not going to answer, but I like making him sweat.

By the end of the conversation he seemed pretty sure that he wanted to see me tonight and I was happy to extend him an invitation. I know that if he does come this is going to be something to talk about.

tell me this isn't my life

I guess its time to get down to #4 on my list of dumbest things ever. I posted a personal ad on craigslist. I have no idea where the idea came from okay, maybe I do, but not sharing.

After lunch the next day I get around to checking my personal email and 19 emails await me. What the hell? I mean I just never thought that kind of response would be generated from my silly little ad title “humor me?” apparently it did. I read every single one of them boring!! I have to say it they weren’t all that bad. There were a lot of attractive men that responded to the ad. There were even a few that I emailed back. But the emails keep coming and coming. Apparently there are men looking to take care of women out there where have you been the last 5 years I thought? I even got a marriage proposal something about a green card puzzled naïve bewildered I sit. Then there were some that down right made me pee myself laughing. Now after a total of about 30 emails I received there were two that just killed me.

31 reasons to date a southern man on his birthday “The south will rise again”

1. My Birthday in Saturday

2. i am a marine

3. I am a lawyer

4. I workout and help others get into shape

5. I tutor underprilivged kids

6. I will suck your clit for hours

7. I want you to grap my rock hard ass in public

8. I will cook for you and its yummie

9. I can dance and sing

10. I enjoy laying in the grass and watching theclouds

11. I wont complain if you want to shop1

2. I wont bitch when you have a bad day

13. I will listen to you all of the time

14. I will hold you and kiss you for hours

15. I will lisper naughty thoughts in your ear atjewels

16. I can fix things

17. I love puppies and will walks yours if youhave one

18. Party all night and work all day1

9. Stay in all night and watch tv

20. I will let you do body shoots off of me

21. you will make your girlfriends jealous youfound me

22. I enjoy all music

23. because

24. because its written in the constitution

25. 9 out of 10 married woman say you should dateme

26. Because you want to

27. I will teach you things

28. I can drive you wild

29. I will do your laundry

30. I will clean your house

31. Did i say I am a marine

I’m telling you ladies you can’t get any better than that, except for this guy, just checkout the link, totally worth it.

Now besides those two winners there were actually a few guys that really sparked my interest. I actually have a date with one of them on Saturday night. Will it be a disaster? I hope so. At this point I have nothing to lose. I will enter with no expectations, no preconceived notions that he may be different from the rest. Just that he is bound to be a bumbling idiot that I will have nothing in common with and I will want to shoot myself or getting completely wasted before during and after the date.

Of course I shared this with my dear friend Erica who proceeded to write me an email of the following:

Erica:wow, what did the ad say? FREE SEX? hahaha

me:I hope you know I'm going to kick you in the head for that

Erica:I hope you know that's hilarious. I'm feeling super weird b/c my head DOESN'T hurt. sorry honey.

Almost a week later and her head still hurts...hmm could that bottle of rum you hogged on saturday night be the cause?

Stay tuned.

notorious d.u.m.b

Yup, that would be me, but like I always tell people stick to what you're good at.

The heat is getting to me; it must be, because I haven’t had anything to drink since Saturday night’s little mishap (you wouldn’t either if a guy names Earl tried to pick you up). I can’t or should I say, will not elaborate on what I did last night, unless it actually turns into something worthwhile. Let’s just say I think this ranks #4 on my top 5 dumb things ever done. No booze and excessive heat is making me do really stupid things.

As per usual anything I post midweek usually lacks excitement. Though Monday I did receive a call from a potential suitor (met Andy on a train going to work one morning, blah, blah, blah, nothing good has ever come from one of those encounters, ugh, shoot me now). I think he is (or was) suppose to call me back later this week so we can hangout. I am not going on any such date with anyone until the temperature drops. No way am I showing up like a sweaty melting mess. Speaking of a mess, there is a possible one brewing on the horizon. I think my Greek dissed me. Plans didn’t go the way I wanted them to go Saturday and I haven’t heard from him since. What the hell gives? I quit.