let's start with saturday

**Sorry this Saturday after post does not contain the usual tales of the drunk nights out at the bar, funny pictures that help tell the tale or those of being solicited by men named earl.**

Because of the chaos that is my life I only got about 3 hours of sleep Friday night. Even though I could have traded it all to go camping in the Indiana Dunes with work (I think it was a good idea I passed on that). There was no 4 hr. nap this Saturday. Steve and I finally decided to hangout. We decided to meet at a half way point at the mall. I needed mutual ground. It makes more sense to drive separately and leave separately. After hassling on a good time I actually got there before him. I decided I would go to Starbucks and chill. I run into Ryan (what, hell yeah, I love that kid). So we sat there and chatted, I told him about the meeting with the ex.

Next thing I know there is a text and Steve is outside of Starbucks. I am not nervous at all. I just want this over with. There he is, HELLO! Someone got mighty big around the middle since I last saw them and last week I was so worried about the extra pounds I had put on in the last few months.

We walked around and did some shopping. He had to make a comment every single time I bought something. Let me tell you something asshole. I make my own damn money and I can spend it as I see fit. You are the last damn person who needs to tell me those boots cost too much. Then we were trying to find a movie to see or eat. I opted to eat, because I needed a drink dealing with him. At that point I did not want to sit through a movie with him. I had to listen to him lie about any and everything and the tell me shit as though I don’t know what’s going on in the world. He is the most dramatic fucker I know and he kept sweating the entire time. Ugh (I just wanted to go home).After we ate and went to Barnes & Nobles it was time for me to get the hell out of there. I was done. I dropped him off at his car and couldn’t wait to light up a cigarette.

I was finally on my way home and was deciding whether or not I wanted to go out with the gang that night. It was Brian’s birthday and Anna was throwing him a party at Duffy’s $25 all you can drink from 9-1. I got home and couldn’t make up my mind. I went online “Big D” was on.

It has been almost 2 weeks since we’ve had any contact. He still gives me that feeling that sensations that I can’t understand. I don’t know what it is that he does to me, but the feeling is something different, new, and raw. No man has ever made me feel that way; I just don’t know what that way is. We start making small talk and I find out that he’s taking a road trip to Canada for two weeks. Then I decide to find out what he is up that night. Turns out not a damn thing. I ask him if he wants to get some beers. He didn’t want to come into the city so I suggested our regular spot by his place, ‘definite possibility’, he says. Oh! How excited was I? At the same time my entire body was shaking just waiting for his response. I was throwing myself out there. I have not once asked him about his ex-girlfriend nor has he mentioned her. I thought things must be going well if he is willing to hangout (right?) Well he had a friend coming by and he was already on his way. So I suggest another time before he leaves for the two weeks. He says he’ll give me a call.

I finally decide I’m going to go out. I can’t just sit here.

I get dressed grab my purse head out the door, realize my shirt is inside out, take care of that situation and head to the train. My phone rings, It’s “Big D”. What does he say? “Hey, it’s good to hear your voice, sorry about tonight I will make it up to you, and things haven’t worked out how I wanted them to this summer”. At this point there is lots of stuttering going on from my end. I finally mumble, “Ok”. “I’ll talk to you later, have a good night”, “you to”, I mumble again. There I stand frozen in the middle of the side walk, walk damnit (I tell myself).

I spent the entire el ride and walk to the bar replaying that phone conversation. I thought that I was jumping the gun by inviting him out. I knew he may have been hesitant about me coming to his place, because the chances of us reliving so many Saturday nights that turned in to Sunday mornings before.

I finally get to the bar, trying to clear my head of the events that just took place, I have no words. I tell Erica, who was drunk by the time I showed up and she just looked confused and responded what the fuck with that all about.

By the time I got the bar I was thinking of opting put with the risk band. I just knew that being able to drink non stop after what “Big D” had told me would result in a night of me getting drunk and crying. I was thinking I’ll stay for a few hours and go home. Yeah right! Everyone was wasted by the time I got there, so I joined in on the festivities. I don’t know how many rum and cokes I had, but they were pretty damn strong, we totally double fisted at one point.

The night soon followed with going to another bar. Erica and Adam getting into a fight because Erica got a guy to buy her a drink. Lots of throwing popcorn at each other. Oh and I almost went home with an Australian (hmm..that would have been fun). I will take an Australian or New Zealander which he called a Kiwi over a British boy anyday, accent is way HOTTER!!