no. 10: sunday morning love

I can not and will not call this one a mis-adventure(at least not yet). I won't even share his name or the link to his myspace page(maybe later), I will however refer to him by his stage name and if after I do a search and it comes up then it must be changed.

The story: We met through a mutual friend. My friend Tom thought it would be a great idea for me to talk to "Big D". Tom sent me his number and email address. I figured I would stick to email and just see before phone numbers were exchanged. Anyway this was sometime in late February or March that we began to chat. About nothing at all. I knew he was a musician and that was about it. It didn't seem to be going anywhere so I didn't bother. Then a few weeks later we started to chat via messanger and the topic of conversation always seemed to be about his music, which I have to say I'm crazy about, he is a brilliant harmonica player and singer. How fitting I fall for a man who sings the blues.

April 28th "Big D" had a show in the city and I decided I would go and check it out. I was a little unsure of how we would respond to each other, would it be awkward etc. I walked into this hole-in-the-wall bar(calling it a dive is to generous) and there he is was playing the harp. As soon as he saw me he gave me a wink and smile. Now, I was starting to feel good about this entire set up and Tom was there as well so it wasn't completely weird. He took a break and came over to say hello and chat, bought me a beer(we share the love of PBR). Then it was back on stage for another set. This lasted for 2 more hours until they were done playing. Afterwards "Big D" and I sat around and talked about any and everything. I thought to myself this is going pretty good, but I can't read him for sure so I'm just going to hangout and have a good time. That good time lasted until almost 4 a.m when we left the bar and then decided to go get something to eat(burritos are 24 hrs in Chicago). We dropped Tom off at home and went out. Finally after we ate he took me back to my car and I got home sometime when the sun was coming up.

The next day(that afternoon) we chatted, both agreeded it was a good time and made plans to go out again the following week. Everything was set for that Thursday, but at the last minute I changed my mind and asked for a rain check. He didn't seem to mind, but I thought to myself that I may have blown my chance to get to know him.

A few weeks later we were chatting via messenger and I was in the mood to get out of the house. I asked if he was game and he was. He was thinking of coming into the city anyway to go to a harmonica jam and he would pick me up at about 8:30. So "Big D" arrives, I get in the car and he greets me with a hug. This is nice I thought, considering this is the first time we've really been out on a "date". We get to the place and hangout for awhile, of course they ask him to get up on the stage and play(he is a genius on the harp), we leave and he says, "where to next?" I'm thinking home considering its 11p.m. and he has to work and I have a job. Well I can think quickly on my feet and suggest Buckingham Fountain even though they turn it off at 11. He doesn't care and wants to go anyway. So we walk over there, no lights at all and talk and talk and talk. By now I figure either he is really shy or is only interested in me as a friend, which is fine. Finally at 2 a.m. he is ready to go home.

Now at this point I don't know what to think, I figure one more try at another evening out and then we can go from there. The weekend coming up was MayFest. We decide on Saturday night to hangout again. So its after 7:30 and I haven't heard from him so I call him and no answer. I don't jump to conclusions, I think he probably fell asleep after work. Then he calls and apologizes and invites me out, 'sure' , I say and get ready to go. We go to the bar and drink our $1 cans of Schlitz and talk(nothing new there). Then we go back to him place and have a few more beers(like 4 more). By now it is 3:30 a.m. I'm thinking make a move or I'm going home. "Big D" says to me, 'so are we just friends or are we going to kiss?' For once I was speechless, you waited this long to ask me that. I finally tell him, that if we were just going to be friends I wouldn't still be on his couch at 3:30 in the morning. He agrees and the lips lock. I'm glowing by now and the birds are starting to sing. He asked if I intended to drive home, 'no', I reply, 'good' as he smiles at me. We spent the rest of the evening/morning making out and cuddling. It felt so right, I thought to myself I have finally found the Sunday kind of love I was looking for.

The next week we talked on the phone every night, I didn't even have to call him. I'm thinking this has to be something. Nowadays men don't behave like this. Then Saturday came along, it was my birthday and we made plans to meet at the blues bar, were he was performing and hangout the rest of the evening. By 2 a.m. I realized this was starting to become habit, we went and got Mexican food, I ran into a friend who was curious as to whyI was sans engagement ring and with a man who is not my fiancee(will explain later). Afterwards we headed back to my place and got comfy between the sheets again. The next morning as we laid in bed together, he traced my back with his hand and kissed the nape of my neck. Then it was off for our morning coffee and a stroll(second weekend in a row).

I have to say I just knew that good things were happening. Monday night we hungout again and he had even asked me to attend a wedding with him in July. Then this morning I wake up and the first thing I read when I get to the computer:

Im sorry(not using my real name). The wake I went to last weekend was for an ex-girlfriend's father and I've been wrapped up helping her and her mom out. It seems that I still have feelings for her and care much about her family. Im sorry I haven't acted more responsibly in our situation. Best wishes. ("Big D"He did leave his real name)

I was devastated to say the least. But I'm just not settling for that. I really think that we may actually be able to have something, even if I have to be friends for now, which is just stupid on my part. I just can't let this guy go this easily. Am I really this dumb for thinking that I can change his mind?