Confessions From The East

Unfortunately I will have to delay about the awesome Valentine’s Day that I had to get some things off my chest. I was in Rhode Island/ Massachusetts this weekend to take care of a part of my life I am trying to put behind me. I decided that I would be the bigger person and in person talk to all of my vendors in regards to canceling all of the wedding plans. I had also previously planned on joining CM in Boston this weekend with a few friends. Even though our breakup was recent I still owed it to them to show my face. I was anxiety ridden from the moment I got to the airport. I had to do it though we were a couple for almost four years, it is time that I big the bigger person (I’m always saying that I’ve matured as of late).

All in all it was not a terrible weekend. I got there an hour late and minus my engagement ring. Let’s just say that with a little over six inches of snow on the ground, it my never be found. Not to worry, it was insured for just about any incident under the sun and he didn’t freak when I told him.

I was a wreck being around him again. I was trying my best to just stay calm. I realized just how much I loved him and still do love him. CM became my best friend over the last few years. I owe him so much for the growth of who I am, but at the same time if it wasn’t for that growth we may still be together. There is chaos crept in my mind. Here I am still having feelings for my (very recent) ex and this new guy at the same time (which I am just in awe with at the moment).

So, here it is late Sunday night early Monday morning and I just don’t know what to do with myself at the moment (again). I realize that all in all I need to just look ahead into the future and whatever happens happens. I am just living my life, as ridiculous as it always is.