Offically

Have moved the blog to a new home offically: whiskeybottoms.wordpress.com

March Madness

1. Crazybeautiful has returned to this blog...I can't wait to share.
2. I have a new therapists, Dr. Ray will be a weekly subject.
3. There have been many many changes since I last blogged, here under this alias.
4. There is a new man in my life (isn't there always).
5. I'm going to be 25 in three months...ugh!!!

Moved

Still alive and still not believing that the life I lead is the one I want. I have not stopped blogging. I just stopped blogging here and have not had the energy to comment on any of my regular blogs though I stop by not often enough for updates. If you want the new home just let me know.

Sabotage

For the life of me I can not figure out why I feel the need to self-destruct. I go out of my way to sabotage any and every good thing that comes to me in life. Things with the new guy are going well. I panicked a bit last week, got over it and am now ready to move forward.

Then I did what I always manage to due when I panic. I texted Charlie. I couldn't take it back and just waited to see what the outcome was. Of course he texted me back and was all to eager to take me up on my offer. I don't know what I've done but I'm sure I've made another mistake...again.

Its Just Me

I have noticed something as of late, I am not myself. I do not know what has happened, but I simply chalk it up to being a natural progression of life. Something shaking happened to me this morning and all I could do was fill my pillow with uncontrollable tears. I have not cried like that in almost a year. It was cathartic and much needed. Lucky for me I can always sum my life up (at least to give others a snapshot inside). This one is for you. You dear man who means a lot to me.

Me Cranky?

This has been a morning. I spent 45 minutes laying in bed trying to weasel myself out of going to class, again! Finally got up, walk to the car was eventful, yelled at a driver and slammed their hood as I attempted to walk to my car without getting hit, bastards! Decided that eating chocolate for breakfast would solve all my problems. Yelled at the guy behind me in class because he seemed eager to kick my desk for a hour.

PMS is not a game!!!

Confessions From The East

Unfortunately I will have to delay about the awesome Valentine’s Day that I had to get some things off my chest. I was in Rhode Island/ Massachusetts this weekend to take care of a part of my life I am trying to put behind me. I decided that I would be the bigger person and in person talk to all of my vendors in regards to canceling all of the wedding plans. I had also previously planned on joining CM in Boston this weekend with a few friends. Even though our breakup was recent I still owed it to them to show my face. I was anxiety ridden from the moment I got to the airport. I had to do it though we were a couple for almost four years, it is time that I big the bigger person (I’m always saying that I’ve matured as of late).

All in all it was not a terrible weekend. I got there an hour late and minus my engagement ring. Let’s just say that with a little over six inches of snow on the ground, it my never be found. Not to worry, it was insured for just about any incident under the sun and he didn’t freak when I told him.

I was a wreck being around him again. I was trying my best to just stay calm. I realized just how much I loved him and still do love him. CM became my best friend over the last few years. I owe him so much for the growth of who I am, but at the same time if it wasn’t for that growth we may still be together. There is chaos crept in my mind. Here I am still having feelings for my (very recent) ex and this new guy at the same time (which I am just in awe with at the moment).

So, here it is late Sunday night early Monday morning and I just don’t know what to do with myself at the moment (again). I realize that all in all I need to just look ahead into the future and whatever happens happens. I am just living my life, as ridiculous as it always is.